My recently released fantasy novel Ravenseed underwent substantial revisions from early drafts to the finished version. Various sequences were removed based on feedback from beta readers (who saw different iterations as the novel took shape). My first draft – written from an outline I’d already drastically altered many times – came in at over 122,000 words, with the released version cut down to about 113,000 words. As an insight into my writing process, here’s a look at two major sequences that were removed, and why.

During the outlining stage, I became anxious that the novel needed more action in the second half. Both the sequences in question were born out of this concern, but it rapidly became apparent after penning the first draft that both were unnecessary. Instead, I needed to trust the story and the character arcs rather than artificially insert extra perils. As a result, two massive sequences got the axe.

The Dragon Attack

Following the chapters where the knights take some rest in Kirkstall Abbey, a dragon attacks them at night. Carefully treading around spoilers, by this point in the story, schisms already exist between certain characters. The original idea was for them to be forced to work together to fight this monstrous threat, allowing for a brief flash of their former camaraderie. The dragon was also intended as a metaphor for the lusts and ambitions of one particular supporting character, who (it is later revealed) consorted with the main antagonist to bring about the attack in the first place, for their own ends.

After I’d left some time to distance myself from the manuscript and read it with fresh eyes, this sequence stood out like a sore thumb. The dragon lust metaphor was clumsy, and the Machiavellian machinations of the supporting character seemed absurdly convoluted. I eventually cut almost all that subplot, including the entire dragon sequence. Although Ravenseed features supernatural entities, this isn’t a novel that needed big monster scenes, so it was a good cut to make, and the story reads far better as a result.

The Second Battle

Another major chapter removed from the final version is a battle sequence told in flashback that details how Sir Matthew saved Sir Peter’s life, some years previously. I shan’t say exactly where this flashback would have appeared, again, for fear of spoilers, except to say it was intended to add contrast and irony with events later in the book, whilst beefing up the action.

The battle is fought in flat eastern lands, perhaps in Norfolk or East Anglia, amid freezing conditions. I rather liked some of the details – for instance, Sir Matthew’s distress at the suffering of their steeds during the attack, further exploring the animal-loving side of his persona, and a near-drowning moment. The terrain is also very different to the earlier battle (a castle siege), with ambushes in long grass and reeds. In addition, this was meant to expound on a key moment of character development for Sir Peter, who finds new reason for optimism and hope, after becoming disillusioned about notions of glory and honour in the face of warfare’s brutal realities.

However, whilst this sequence worked well in and of itself, it felt like seriously over-egging the pudding in the context of the novel. There’s already a major battle sequence earlier in the book, so adding another big-scale conflict at a time when the story has become more low-key, and dramatically focused on a smaller group of characters, didn’t work. In addition, the hoped-for irony and contrast didn’t come off as well as I’d hoped. It felt as though I was trying to be too clever for my own good by demanding additional calls on reader sympathy when I’ve already put them through the emotional wringer in other respects.

In short, this story didn’t need an extra battle or a dragon, and I am convinced no one will come away from it feeling short-changed. Ravenseed has plenty going on without additional razzle-dazzle. You get knights, sorcerers, sieges, spirits, gods, sword fights, supernatural duels, two love stories, epic journeys in past and present, plus a magical finale with more than enough climactic conflict and irony to be going on with.

Ravenseed is out now. Here’s the blurb from the back of the book:

532 AD. Knights Sir Peter and Sir Matthew ride to battle, but when they take an ill-advised detour, the two friends find themselves involved in a quest to break a curse on Sir Matthew’s love, Elizabeth.

The quest sends them on a journey through Anglia, where they encounter magicians, spirits, gods, and dangers beyond their wildest dreams – from without and within.

In the present day, as teenager Fay Pendleton reads an ancient account of the two knights, scars start appearing on her face. Despite her ongoing disfigurement, she becomes obsessed with discovering the outcome of the quest, and her link to this mysterious story.

Ravenseed is available from Amazon on Kindle or paperback here(in the UK) and here (in the US). Downloads or paperbacks are also available from Draft2Digital, Smashwords, and associated outlets here.