Another day, another tissue-thin algorithm-of-ultimate-power spy thriller. That’s not to say Simon Kinberg’s female-driven actioner The 355 is entirely without entertainment value, but it is superficial and painfully predictable, not to mention irritatingly illogical. Suspension of disbelief is always required for a film of this kind, but The 355 makes such a mindset feel like holding a heavy object for a long period of time. As the film progresses, you just want to put it down and say: “This is silly.”

The plot of The 355 is so familiar I can scarcely be bothered to recount it, suffice to say the aforementioned algorithmic McGuffin is sought by a boring mercenary (Jason Flemyng). Various intelligence agencies are also after said algorithm, lest it fall into the “wrong hands”. Consequently, the CIA’s Mason “Mace” Browne (Jessica Chastain) recruits her old MI6 pal Khadijah Adiyeme (Lupita Nyong’o), only to end up treading on the toes of a German intelligence attempt to acquire the algorithm, in the form of Marie Schmidt (Diane Kruger). Colombian therapist Dr. Graciela Rivera (Penélope Cruz) is entangled in this mess too, initially sent by her government to recall a rogue agent selling the algorithm. She subsequently finds herself with no choice but to join forces and go rogue with the aforementioned trio. Why the hell the Colombians sent a therapist instead of a special ops squad armed with tranquilizer darts is beyond me.

Chastain’s character is a cliché loose cannon. We’re supposed to buy into her as a dedicated professional, yet this persona is undermined in her very first scene, as decides to “ruin” her platonic friendship with fellow agent Nick (Sebastian Stan) after only a few seconds of muttered protestation. The rest of her ensemble doesn’t fare much better in terms of character depth.

Although the title refers to a real-life code-name given to an important female spy in the American Revolution, and the film by extension positions itself as a tribute to brave and selfless female agents, such pseudo-seriousness is unconvincing given the ludicrousness of the narrative. The film draws attention to said ludicrousness at a number of points. For instance, a character mentions James Bond never had to deal with real-life, only for the very next sequence to involve the very gadgets and shenanigans integral to Bond. One also wonders where the funding for their rogue activities comes from. A particularly daft revelation late in the film, involving enigmatic character Lin Mi Sheng (Fan Bingbing), again places this firmly in the realms of the fantastical. It would have been better if the film had worn its heart on its sleeve, instead of making vague pretences at serious comment on how women have been quietly erased from history. Such platitudes feel forced.

On the plus side, the film makes good use of locations (Morocco, Shanghai, Paris, London, and a few others). Some of the action scenes are better than others, particularly the opening sequence, and an early chase in Paris. These have plenty of crunchy, choppy, punchy impact, whereas later scenes – such as a fight between Chastain and a goon in Shanghai – are less convincing. The film is technically proficient, with a dynamic score from Tom Holkenborg and propulsive if whiplash editing from John Gilbert and Lee Smith.

However, despite some solid choreography and direction from Kinberg, this lacks genuine flair, not to mention suspense. Female-led action cinema in Hollywood has seen better recent examples in the form of Wonder Woman, The Old Guard, Black Widow, Birds of Prey, Salt, and Atomic Blonde. Comparatively, this all feels a bit tepid, humourless, and a waste of an excellent cast.

UK Certificate: 12A

US Certificate: PG-13