Tag Archives: Deleted Scenes

Ravenseed: Deleted Scenes

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My recently released fantasy novel Ravenseed underwent substantial revisions from early drafts to the finished version. Various sequences were removed based on feedback from beta readers (who saw different iterations as the novel took shape). My first draft – written from an outline I’d already drastically altered many times – came in at over 122,000 words, with the released version cut down to about 113,000 words. As an insight into my writing process, here’s a look at two major sequences that were removed, and why.

During the outlining stage, I became anxious that the novel needed more action in the second half. Both the sequences in question were born out of this concern, but it rapidly became apparent after penning the first draft that both were unnecessary. Instead, I needed to trust the story and the character arcs rather than artificially insert extra perils. As a result, two massive sequences got the axe.

The Dragon Attack

Following the chapters where the knights take some rest in Kirkstall Abbey, a dragon attacks them at night. Carefully treading around spoilers, by this point in the story, schisms already exist between certain characters. The original idea was for them to be forced to work together to fight this monstrous threat, allowing for a brief flash of their former camaraderie. The dragon was also intended as a metaphor for the lusts and ambitions of one particular supporting character, who (it is later revealed) consorted with the main antagonist to bring about the attack in the first place, for their own ends.

After I’d left some time to distance myself from the manuscript and read it with fresh eyes, this sequence stood out like a sore thumb. The dragon lust metaphor was clumsy, and the Machiavellian machinations of the supporting character seemed absurdly convoluted. I eventually cut almost all that subplot, including the entire dragon sequence. Although Ravenseed features supernatural entities, this isn’t a novel that needed big monster scenes, so it was a good cut to make, and the story reads far better as a result.

The Second Battle

Another major chapter removed from the final version is a battle sequence told in flashback that details how Sir Matthew saved Sir Peter’s life, some years previously. I shan’t say exactly where this flashback would have appeared, again, for fear of spoilers, except to say it was intended to add contrast and irony with events later in the book, whilst beefing up the action.

The battle is fought in flat eastern lands, perhaps in Norfolk or East Anglia, amid freezing conditions. I rather liked some of the details – for instance, Sir Matthew’s distress at the suffering of their steeds during the attack, further exploring the animal-loving side of his persona, and a near-drowning moment. The terrain is also very different to the earlier battle (a castle siege), with ambushes in long grass and reeds. In addition, this was meant to expound on a key moment of character development for Sir Peter, who finds new reason for optimism and hope, after becoming disillusioned about notions of glory and honour in the face of warfare’s brutal realities.

However, whilst this sequence worked well in and of itself, it felt like seriously over-egging the pudding in the context of the novel. There’s already a major battle sequence earlier in the book, so adding another big-scale conflict at a time when the story has become more low-key, and dramatically focused on a smaller group of characters, didn’t work. In addition, the hoped-for irony and contrast didn’t come off as well as I’d hoped. It felt as though I was trying to be too clever for my own good by demanding additional calls on reader sympathy when I’ve already put them through the emotional wringer in other respects.

In short, this story didn’t need an extra battle or a dragon, and I am convinced no one will come away from it feeling short-changed. Ravenseed has plenty going on without additional razzle-dazzle. You get knights, sorcerers, sieges, spirits, gods, sword fights, supernatural duels, two love stories, epic journeys in past and present, plus a magical finale with more than enough climactic conflict and irony to be going on with.

Ravenseed is out now. Here’s the blurb from the back of the book:

532 AD. Knights Sir Peter and Sir Matthew ride to battle, but when they take an ill-advised detour, the two friends find themselves involved in a quest to break a curse on Sir Matthew’s love, Elizabeth.

The quest sends them on a journey through Anglia, where they encounter magicians, spirits, gods, and dangers beyond their wildest dreams – from without and within.

In the present day, as teenager Fay Pendleton reads an ancient account of the two knights, scars start appearing on her face. Despite her ongoing disfigurement, she becomes obsessed with discovering the outcome of the quest, and her link to this mysterious story.

Ravenseed is available from Amazon on Kindle or paperback here(in the UK) and here (in the US). Downloads or paperbacks are also available from Draft2Digital, Smashwords, and associated outlets here.

The Irresistible Summons: Summary of Recent Articles

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Here’s a one-stop-shop with links to all you need to know about my latest horror/supernatural conspiracy thriller novel The Irresistible Summons.

The background in the image below is a reference to an incident in a prison during the opening chapter, where a television interview with a possibly possessed killer goes badly wrong.

Irresistible Summons new graphic

Here’s the blurb from the back of the book:

How far would you go to bring your loved one back from the dead?

Television producer Naomi Levinson makes documentaries debunking the supernatural.

When asked to film a promotional video for computer game company Persephone, she considers the task beneath her talents. But as production gets underway at the Persephone office block on London’s Canary Wharf, a mysterious disappearance, ghostly sightings, and lingering tragedy from Naomi’s past lead her to believe she might have stumbled into a genuine haunting.

As Naomi continues to investigate, past and present collide in a horrifying conspiracy. Cutting edge technology and ancient evil meet, leading to the discovery of a shocking and terrifying secret that could change the nature of life and death as we know it.

Want to know more? Here are some blog articles that may be of interest:

An Introduction – Fancy a slightly more in-depth primer for the novel than the above blurb? This will have you hooked if you aren’t already.

Influences and Inspirations – Read about key texts that informed the novel.

Settings and Research – What subjects did I have to brush up on?

Deleted Scenes – Discover what was cut or changed from first to final draft.

Themes – What is this book really about?

Interviews – I talked about the novel with my publisher Dragon Soul Press and Samantha Stephen from The Tangent Tree podcast here and here respectively.

The Irresistible Summons is published by Dragon Soul Press, and is out now. Paperbacks or Kindle downloads can be ordered here (in the UK) and here (in the US).

The Irresistible Summons: Deleted Scenes

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In the process of writing and rewriting my latest horror/supernatural conspiracy thriller novel The Irresistible Summons I cut or rewrote a substantial amount of material from draft to draft.

Irresistible Summons promo 1

The initial draft weighed in at around 109,000 words, with the final version pared down to just over 93,000. The polishing of this novel proved a particularly interesting process this time, in that whilst the mechanics of the main plot didn’t change, key scenes, subplots, and sometimes entire characters were removed. The epilogue was also entirely rewritten. Here’s a brief rundown on some of the more interesting elements of what was cut or changed (I shall skirt around spoilers).

Naomi’s ex-fiancee – During the opening act, after the disastrous prison interview but before Naomi’s visit to her parents and her brother, we are introduced to Naomi’s depressed alcoholic ex-fiancee Richard. He features in two chapters where he turns up in her flat, attempts to commit suicide, and is saved at the last moment by an apparently supernatural premonition. This spooky incident is subsequently linked to what is going on in the top secret Persephone corporation experiments. It also turns out Richard’s mother Hilary has links to the coven which comes into the story later on.

Originally I wanted the character of Richard to suggest that Naomi had a compassionate side that was drawn to “broken” people that she thought she could fix. However, this compassion was a mask for her own grief resulting from losing her teenage lover Toby, whom she couldn’t “fix”. In the end, I decided this character development was unnecessary so deleted Richard, Hilary, and the entire subplot.

Murders in Persephone – I have to skirt around spoilers a bit here, but there are certain characters that come to a sticky end that did so much earlier in the story, precipitating murder investigations that complicated the main plot. In the end, I felt the police aspect of the story cluttered the narrative, so I removed these murders, and instead restricted police involvement to the first mysterious disappearance.

The Left Luggage Official – This funny scene I was very reluctant to delete, since it was inspired by something that once happened to me in Paddington station. Naomi loses a vital piece of luggage on her return from the West Country, which is important to the plot. In the finished version of the novel, the interactions with the left luggage official are brief and to the point. However, in earlier drafts, a lengthy comic sequence ensued, in which Naomi gets into a hair-clutching, Basil Fawlty-esque argument with an imbecilic, those-are-the-rules, officious jobsworth. Although amusing, the scene belongs in a much more comedic narrative, and not in this novel.

The Dove Society – In earlier drafts, those from Persephone investigating the mysterious disappearances and apparitions have formed themselves into a secret society of sorts. They use a few peculiar “dove” gestures to greet one another, which a baffled Naomi witnesses. Eventually I decided these people didn’t need to be in a secret society. They just needed to be concerned individuals with a shared goal, and there was no need for superfluous mystery where plenty already existed.

Romantic subplot – The chemistry between Naomi and Eric was much more fully explored in the original draft, with several more conventionally romantic scenes. However, this all felt out of place, especially given Naomi’s ongoing obsession with the departed Toby. I ended up cutting these scenes, and instead having more of an undertone that Eric might be someone with whom Naomi could ultimately strike up a romantic relationship – if she ever gets past what happened with Toby.

Return to Paranorm Productions – I need to skirt around plot details here for fear of spoilers, but after Naomi obtains footage of a certain shocking incident towards the end of the story, instead of immediately heading into the basement and forbidden levels, tunnels, etc, she returned to Paranorm Productions. Here she showed Paul (her boss) the footage, and he is understandably appalled and terrified. But Paul then receives a mysterious phone call – which Naomi overhears his side of – indicating that mysterious forces are about to come down on him like a ton of bricks and hush everything up. Before that can happen, Naomi rushes out again, returning to the Persephone building with the footage. The entire incident seemed pointless in the end, just over-egging the pudding, when really it made more sense to move directly to the finale.

The Finale – Again, I have to be careful what I reveal here, but in earlier drafts, the finale involved a great deal more detailed explanations that screamed “Look, I’ve done my research”, along with more getting lost in dark tunnels and corridors, and generally gruesome mayhem. Even full-on thrills and scares can get a bit tiresome and repetitive, plus I didn’t want to overwhelm the reader with my research credentials, so I eventually cut these chapters down a great deal.

The Epilogue – On reflection, the epilogue in earlier drafts was absurdly optimistic, and tonally felt like it belonged more in a romantic novel. For the final version, this was replaced entirely, closing on a much more melancholy note that brought the novel full circle.

The Irresistible Summons is published by Dragon Soul Press, and is out now. Paperbacks or Kindle downloads can be ordered here (in the UK) and here (in the US).